fashion 101

here's the secret about coping with the inevitable...impending old age or terminal disease, for example...'forget about it.' worry doesn't change anything and it makes you miserable. focus, instead, on the things you can affect. i learned this from watching my mother, who is 86 years old and wheelchair-bound. mom no longer winters in florida with my dad. dad, at 89, doesn't drive. they winter in bellows falls, vt. in my sister, dee's, house. the highlight of mom's week is attending adult daycare in springfield, where she goes 3 times a week. by bus. she no longer has her own home and she has to depend on others for pretty much everything...and, at times, mom gets into a funk and those of us who do provide for her feel unappreciated and tempers flare. but, mostly, mom copes.

she loves clothes and she loves jewelry. she coordinates her outfits with great care and she is a fashionista at the daycare...her mantra? no matter how dire the circumstances, perfume and jewelry help smooth the rough edges. it took me awhile to understand but i am my mother's daughter. the more i am forced to let go of those external things that once brought me joy ( walking unencumbered, for example), the more i focus on what i can still do/have/be. i take a long time to get ready, now. i am slower to shower because i don't want to slip. but i worry about dry skin and wrinkles and haircuts (and haircolor) and stained teeth and healthy nails. as i lose coordination, applying eyeliner and buttoning shirts are challenging...but i haven't given up. it just takes me longer to complete these tasks.

a couple of years ago, i fell out of bed and broke my collar bone. my niece, sam (once she stopped her nervous laughing), was determined i go to the hospital. i was horrified. 'sam,' i explained as i struggled into the bathroom, 'i am not going anywhere until i fix myself up.'  no, i am not shallow. i am just determined to look the best that i can look, despite the circumstances. because when i no longer care about the way i look, i have given up. and i refuse to do that. thanks, mom.