coping 101

when you receive the diagnosis that you have a catastrophic/fatal disease, you immediately find a coping strategy to deal with the overwhelming news. mine, the most popular choice, was denial. i didn't deny that i had the ataxia, i just convinced myself that the level i was experiencing was as bad as it would get. so i stumbled in the dark...had difficulty putting on jewelry and buttoning clothes...slurred a bit when i was really exhausted....i could live with this. and then i experienced my fingers stiffening painfully (my sister, cheryl, called this the gnarlies) and i knew that it was, in fact, getting worse. i simply expanded my level of acceptance. reluctantly, along with the gnarlies i accepted leg cramps, swallowing issues, constant coughing, and vision changes. when cheryl, who was diagnosed with this disease, died two years ago i had to accept that this disease was serious. mourning your sister's death and accepting the severity of your disease simultaneously sent me spiraling into a dark hole.

so now i focus on delaying the inevitable which i suspect is another form of denial. i believe that eating brain healthy foods is essential. exercise is imperative. i now use a rolling walker when on walking trails or shopping in department stores because my cane no longer provides stability. i try to limit my falls by being cautious. i wear practical footwear....the days of flip flops are over. i take vitamins and supplements and get my yearly flu shot. i have become a 'practical' dresser because snaps and buttons can be so frustrating. comfort outweighs fashion.

i am thinking a lot about quality versus quantity, which is probably another coping strategy. and my faith is strong and my friends are numerous. my family is deeply loved and greatly appreciated. there was a time, b.d. (before disease), when saying that was stretching the truth a little. but here in a.d. (after diagnosis), i have a new way of measuring the things that are important to me. and i am grateful that i figured it all out in time to appreciate my blessings. and maybe 'appreciation' is another coping mechanism but, hey, it works. :)