but i have promises to keep...and miles to go before i sleep.....

while at rehab, i was given nightly pain medicine for my hip spasms and the occasional anti-anxiety pill. maybe it was that potent cocktail, maybe it was the security of nurses and aides roaming the halls at night, maybe it was my comfy hospital bed, or that tiny tv above my bed that entertained me with late night infomercials ( i actually ordered that bullet mini blender) but i slept well. despite the 3:30 am blood pressure readings, the 4 am blood draws and the 5:30 shots to my stomach (to prevent blood clots), i always felt rested.

i am home again. i have a hospital bed, a bedside commode and an oxygen concentrator in my room. i have a fan and i have a humidifier. i don't have that 'attached to a moveable arm' tv or the nurse nightshift and gary informed me that walgreen's wants $200 for my pain med script ($50 for generic)...hmnnn. i just can't sleep. i try. but i feel oppressively dehydrated. i feel anxious. i can't breathe comfortably. my hip hurts. i wander into the livingroom and watch hdtv at 5:00 am. i yearn for the tropics, or anywhere humid.

i know that this anxiety will pass, that my bedroom will once again become my refuge.  until then, i will await the arrival of my magic bullet blender and fantasize about the healthy shakes i will create....:))))