my mom is 87 years old, is wheelchair-bound due to hip surgeries gone bad, and her and my 89 year old dad live in vermont with my sister, dee, and my niece, sam. when i am in vermont, i stay at dee's where i try to help entertain my parents by providing a shuttle service to their doctors and cooking meals that i know they like. they like homemade egg custard. they like homemade cookies, cakes and desserts. mom loves watermelon and dad loves steamed clams. mom won't eat green beans and dad won't drink skim milk. they are in heaven when you serve them biscuits and sausage gravy, which i, personally, won't eat. i worry about clogging arteries, they worry about who gets the last biscuit.
the greatest thing about having elderly parents is that they live long enough for you to get to know them again, if you have been an absent daughter like me. i moved to texas when i was thirty. i saw my parents annually until recently, when my disability gave me the freedom to spend more time back home. dad is low maintenance....give him a book and a bag of black licorice and he's happy. or set him loose in the backyard with his tomato plants and he disappears. mom requires interaction. it could be the wheelchair. it could be her arsenal of medications. or a raging u.t.i. that resists antibiotics. and then there's me....the prodigal daughter. who spent her teens arguing with her mother and then fled the nest, asap. the daughter with the brain disease and the heightened emotions and the need for appreciation. mom and i either have the most wonderful time together or....we push each other's buttons. i love my mom, and i know my mom loves me. but when you are tired and cranky, when you cannot listen one minute longer to the complaining , when you have slaved over a hot stove on a hot day and your mother just isn't hungry....well, she would like a cookie....what's love got to do with it? so i compiled a list. for me.
1. do you have to always be right? does winning an argument against an 87 year old woman make you feel smarter?
2. who died and left you head of the courtesy police?
3. will taking mom along to do errands kill you? her world is limited. getting out is a big deal to her.
4. her relationship with her husband is their concern, not yours. nobody asked you to mediate.
5. nutritional meals are important but, at 87, if eating pudding seems like a great lunch, it is.
6. time is precious. better to make memories than empty promises. when you cancel plans, she is crushed.
7. learning to be a more compassionate daughter makes you a more compassionate mother, sister, friend.
8. no, she has never intentionally tried to hurt you. let go of your imperfect childhood.
9. what's love got to do with it? everything.
10. you can never tell your mom that you love her or thank her enough. she always likes to hear it.
happy mother's day....:)
No comments:
Post a Comment