what's it all about, alfie?????

last night i had a sleep study done. this is my 2nd. i had one maybe 15 years ago that resulted in losing my 'uvula' during a tonsilectomy...and in my being able to dribble milk out my nose as i swallowed, which was a fun trick until i tried to do it with a margarita. that hurt like crazy. the surgery supposedly corrected my sleep apnea. at least it helped with my snoring.

my new ear/nose/throat doctor requested this sleep study because he is concerned about my breathing while i sleep. this could be the original apnea (i was never tested after that surgery) or it could be something my ataxia has affected. i sometimes wake up very, very lightheaded. so i spent last night at a sleep study center in a comfortable bed with a mass of wiring attached to my body. i meet with the sleep doctor tuesday morning and with the e/n/t doctor tuesday afternoon. a busy day...

at my age, health issues confuse me. is the sinus problem the dry air, something to do with the sinus surgery i had done or my ataxia? is the sleep apnea connected to my sinus problem? is it the ataxia? is the acid reflux also ataxia-related? is it acid reflux or is it related to those pancreatitis attacks that seem to strike out of the blue? why do my feet and legs swell?  is it all related? is it age related? how did i go from nothing wrong to everything wrong?

here's the deal with catastrophic brain diseases...any physical ailments tend to get catalogued under that disease. your stomach distress is probably connected...your respitory issues might be connected...weight gain, hair loss, vision impairment??? ataxia. ataxia. ataxia...  but i am not convinced. and i don't want a prescription for the effect, i want to resolve the cause.

i think there are people on the planet who want quick fixes with no responsibility. suffering from heatburn after that 4 pound burrito? take this pill.  eaten yourself into a jumbo size? why diet and exercise when you can have barriatric surgery? depressed about life? here's a prescription. that they now make pink pepto bismal for children stuns me. the message isn't 'do not feed your children garbage.' feed them whatever you want. and when their tummies ache, give them children's bepto.

i think parents should be held accountable for what they feed their children. for dental visits and for doctor's exams. i think our world of fast food, of big gulp soda, of medical quick fix pills is out of control.  i have the tests done. i take responsibility for what i eat and how i live. i get tired. i get frustrated. but i don't give up.