last night

yesterday was oprah winfrey's last show, after 25 years on televison. i wasn't a huge oprah follower...i usually had 'things' to do at 4:00 in the afternoon like prepare dinner or work or attend class....but when i did manage to watch a show, i was never bored and i was always informed. i liked oprah. i liked that she wasn't a cookie cutter hollywood beauty....she struggled with her weight, she wasn't drop dead gorgeous...but she was smart and she was funny and she honest.

last night i happened upon the oprah winfrey network. it was late and i was not sleepy. the show was about oprah, it was her 'master class' episode and she talked about her life. i was fascinated. there i sat, past midnight, mesmorized by oprah winfrey. i had my very own 'aha' moment....she was talking to me.

i have been floundering lately in my life, plagued with doubts and fears.  living with ataxia means that questions about mortality are always there. i miss the days when i didn't think about the end of life, about living 'successfully,' about finding meaning and having worthwhile experiences. i am at the age (57) where i know the people i love will not last forever. i wish i didn't know that. my grandsons are growing too quickly. dominic  just completed first grade. andrew has transformed from toddler to little boy. my son is 37 and my daughter is 32. how did that happen?

but, thanks to oprah, i felt energized last night...renewed. yes, i have a brain disease and, yes, i am 57, but my life is still vibrant and exciting and full of possibility. mostly, oprah's faith impressed me. her belief in God was solid. last night, i think i needed to see that... she was brimming with gratitude. she shimmered. and i felt comforted.  and my faith was renewed. and i was inspired. when i tumbled into bed, i slept soundly.