walk a mile in my shoes

i have always had a love/hate relationship with shoes. because i have exceptionally wide feet, finding stylish footwear is a challenge. finding 'attractive' shoes wide enough to fit has been a source of frustration, embarrassment and disappointment for the past 50 years. half a century. a very long time.

as a  child, i remember the annual hunt for 'back to school' shoes at the shoe store.  i hated it. the clerk would measure my foot with that metal device and 'tsk' about the width.  and all those lovely shoes? the only ones guaranteed to fit were saddle shoes. some years they were black and white, some years they were brown and white but they were always saddle shoes. in high school, i loved summers. i lived in flip flops. i listened to led zeppelin and my mother's constant warning to wear  shoes because 'my feet would spread.'  i should have listened to my mother. at my high school graduation party (it was 1971 and the party was out in the boondocks at somebody's hunting camp) i stepped on a broken beer bottle and cut my heel. deep. i think i was wearing flip flops but i might have been bare foot. all i remember is that it hurt. and that, had i been wearing shoes, i would've been ok.

about ten years ago, i discovered online shopping. and i learned that there were plenty of internet shoe stores with all sorts of wide shoes. it was more exciting than winning the lottery. finally, i had choices... sling backs, t straps, sandals, high heels, huaraches. move over, imelda marcos.

but, shortly thereafter, i received the ataxia diagnosis and my choices for footwear have been steadily narrowing (forgive the pun) ever since. i am at the point where, despite the occasion, i wear mary janes. i have black mary janes and i have brown mary janes. when your balance goes, good shoe support is crucial. i have never been a slave to fashion but my niece is getting married this summer and i want to look nice. the look i aspire to? think meryl streep (in 'mama mia' ) or bonnie bedelia (in the tv series, 'parenthood'). yes, they are both gorgeous. yes, they are both blonde. and, yes, i don't remotely resemble either woman. but they make 50 + look amazing. sexy. exciting. and neither wears mary janes. 

so, tonight i spent too much time online searching for wide shoes. sturdy but flirty doesn't appear to be the rage. i want a rather delicate sandal that offers me the support of my mary janes. and i can't find what i want. i did, however, come across saddle shoes in my size and width. hmnn....