here's the deal with brain diseases...or old age...or pancreatic cancer...or liver disease...it can be a beast to live with. frightening, at times, because mortality leaps up unexpectedly, terrifies you, and from that moment on, you sleep with one eye open. once mortality enters the equation, you are never the same. time suddenly ceases to be a vague concept that you ignore. there is a beginning and there is an end. speaking personally, i didn't begin crossing off adventures from my own private bucket list. i haven't written my great american novel. well, after writing most of chapter one i seem to have lost my enthusiasm. i wrestle with the reality that i have the capability to achieve much but...not the drive. and this dire diagnosis hasn't catapulted me into a state of frenzied creativity.
the one area that i try to improve upon is to be a better version of who i was.....kinder, friendlier, more generous of my time, my money, my love. 'try' being the operative word here. everyday is a challenge. but everyday, i am amazed at how utterly amazing life is. most people are good, caring human beings. nature is breathtaking. i have a strong faith. a great family. wonderful friends. i am thankful for my blessings.
maybe the secret to coping with catastrophy is to focus on trying to do something generous for somebody else...trying to make life a bit more pleasant for somebody who is struggling. letting a stranger have that parking space that you saw first. giving a word of encouragement. leaving a generous tip. simple random acts of kindness. because i have discovered that the more i concentrate on being a better debra, the less i worry about things i have no control over...like mortality.
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