mother and child reunion

i love that paul simon song but i can't tell you what the song is really about. but i am well-versed in parent/child relationships. i am both a daughter and a mother. i was the middle child of a large family and i tended to be the one who constantly tested the waters, pushed the envelope...i was convinced i had something to prove to the world. i argued a lot with my mom when i was growing up. and now that i am spending a lot of time with my family again,  i tend to 'lock horns' with my mom. that she is 86 years old, continually battling UTI's and taking enough medication to stop a charging rhino....details that should temper my reaction to her well-placed barb .don't always stop me from erupting angrily. yes, i can win the argument but the victory is hollow when my opponent is frail, elderly and medicated.

i am visiting my beloved daughter and her family. in anchorage. in the winter. my brain disease keeps me from snow machining in the tundra and i am underfoot quite a bit. she is expectiong her 3rd child and she leads a hectic life. i know she gets tired. so i offer my opinion on ways to improve her life. i don't know why i do that. i know how it feels to have your mother 'comment' on your life. but i am beginning to realize that mothers sometimes 'comment' because they are trying to help alleviate stress. or pain. or trouble. i should know that daughters need to figure it out themselves. i have spent 57 years trying to tell that to my mother...

this is what i know: i love my mom. i want her to have a joy-filled life but it is her life and her idea of joy and my idea of joy may not be the same thing. the same holds true of my daughter, whom i love dearly. mothers and daughters are not perfect. but, if we are lucky, we will be remembered as mothers who did the best we could....and as daughters who  gratefully understood.