the kindness of strangers

some people are intensely private but i am not one of them. i don't like being the topic of idle gossip but i have always been upfront about my life....my way of defusing potential terrorist attacks. i have made choices in my life that, in retrospect,  were maybe not the smartest decisions but i did what i thought was best at the time. i don't have lots of regrets. i don't have skeletons buried in the closet.

i have this annoying brain disease and i don't try to pretend otherwise. i am not out to win sympathy votes, i don't want pity, but spinocerebellar ataxia is now a part of me and i wave the disability flag...not exactly 'proudly' but with complete honesty. i use my handicap parking decal. i use a cane and a walker. i know at times i slur my words and i stumble. i used to get embarrassed. i don't anymore.

my sister, cheryl, died of sca two years ago. cheryl was an intensely private person and she avoided canes and walkers like the  plague. she seldom talked about this disease. she wasn't interested in research or support groups...maybe it was a form of denial or maybe it was just the way she was.  i don't know.

i  find that being open about having sca makes my world so much easier. i have made great friendships with other ataxia victims who, like me,  visit an ataxia site on facebook. i found a wonderful church in el paso (that sparked my faith after a lifetime of doubts)  because a woman on a flight from el paso inquired about my cane....and we chatted all the way to austin and she recommended st. mark's church in that conversation. strangers are usually very kind. they smile. they hold doors. they sometimes ask about this disease. my opinion about humanity greatly improved after i was diagnosed with sca. there is comfort in knowing that i am surrounded by people who genuinely care about me....some i have known forever and some i meet briefly  as i walk this walk....but each encounter reminds me that i am truly blessed.