i went to my 'new' neurologist yesterday. i had forms from the insurance company that provides my monthly disability payment and they are adamant about receiving their paperwork asap. i find answering these questionairres a bit annoying...do i still participate in any social groups? am i attending any classes? am i enjoying my life while accepting disability money is how i interpret the questions. i should be depressed and anti-social and barely alive. but i embrace life. sorry, hartford.
my neurologist is a very kind man. i like him. but i felt disappointed after my appointment yesterday. ok, vaquely depressed. here's the deal about having a catastrophic, untreatable disease...i don't expect a miracle cure but i do expect optimism. dismissing me with 'there is no need to make a new appointment...your family doctor can treat any issues you encounter' just didn't work for me. how about "taking vitamins" or "meditation" or recommending an ataxia specialist? how about showing interest in cerebellar ataxia...asking questions, contacting the national ataxia foundation, recommending, i don't know....accupuncture? holistic medicine? anything that might possibly make this living situation a bit more positive?
a few years ago i attended a class for new members of a church i had joined. it was wonderful....a saturday brunch with other 'new members of the congregation.' until the pastor recommended not giving cash at the offering on sundays...he preferred checks. he explained how writing a check made you really think about your contribution. oh really? it isn't because you can track my donations if i pay by check? that 'check' conversation left a sour taste in my mouth.
i expect ministers, teachers, doctors...people i look to for guidance...to inspire me. to bolster my waning enthusiasm. when they excel, they are unforgetable. i still remember mrs. wetherall, my high school art teacher, and how she encouraged me artistically when i was struggling to survive high school. and susie, my wonderful minister in saxtons river....she doesn't pretend to have all the answers but her faith is so honest and so sincere, i always feel peace in her presence. dr. waters at ufla, who is trying to unravel my family's dna mysteries. because of them, my world has been a better place.
my grandson is struggling with a 2nd grade teacher that isn't the warm, inspiring teacher every child deserves.
i wish every professional came with those comment cards you find enclosed with your bill in restaurants. how was your service? because some teachers create a disinterest in learning. some spiritual leaders create a loss of faith. some physicians create despair. you are a child of the universe. no less than the trees and stars. you have a right to be here. i read that on a poster at my neurologist's office yesterday. desiderata. i wonder if he's ever read it.
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