Wednesday, December 15, 2010

defining me

i have ataxia, a degenerative brain disease, but i hate being defined by this disease. i am 57 years old, hovering at the brink of old age, but i hate being defined by age. i believe in God and i love what Jesus said and did but i am a liberal christian, which irritates my conservative christian friends and confounds my aethiest friends, who see belief in anything as weak. i agree with food inc. about the big business of agriculture but i am still a carnivore, even though i do admire vegans. but i will always drink milk and eat eggs. at least now, they are locally grown and organically produced.

i spend a great deal of my time pondering life.  i write. i paint. i try very hard to be a better human being. i also have the off moment, the bad day....and when my temper is unleashed, even i am scared. i also spend too much time procrastinating. having a terminal brain disease is not a guarantee that every moment is purposeful. the idea that you would suddenly live your life very differently if you knew your time was limited, while being noble, is not realistic. everybody's time is limited. but few of us focus on the end.

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